Title: The Secrets Of Suburbia
Parings/characters: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys, Owen/Toshiko, Doctor/Rose, Donna (maybe others)
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or any of the characters ... unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while.
Summary: Moving to suburbia was nothing like they imagined.
Warnings: Slash, fluff, romance, angst, humour, AU
Spoilers: Anything is fair game
Rating: NC17 for series
A/N: Extra long chapter today, the final one may not get posted until saturday as i need to get my Children In Need special finished. Goodnight Sweeheart will be back soon and I'm working on the Secret And Lies bunnies :)
Jack and Ianto donned the glasses and wigs in the basement of the Phillips Institute building and couldn't help but chuckle a little at each other, but they did resemble the fake ID's that Toshiko had produced for them in a relatively short time.
“I suggest we work our way upwards,” Jack said. “now that they don't have Klanrk held down here they won't have any need to guard his holding cell, we can strip away anything in it that makes it look like something alien was ever living there and once that is done we just need to track down any paper trail.”
“The water supply is probably on this level too.” Ianto added. “there's a detailed map of each floor, we can administer the Retcon to it while we're here.”
“Yeah,” Jack nodded in agreement. “you find the water supply and I'll get to the room Klanrk was being held in and I'll meet you by the lift in … ten minutes?”
“Yep,” Ianto agreed and they parted ways, each of them heading off to do their tasks.
Jack found the room Klanrk had been held in easily and as he had surmised the room was unguarded and unlocked, he slipped inside and searched the holding area, finding nothing but what could have been used by any human detainee and with some relief left again empty handed.
Ianto ran to the lift and swiftly examined the map of the lever situated beside it, finding the location of where the water supply entered the building was not far from the room the alien had been held in he ran down the corridor in the same direction Jack had taken before him.
Upon seeing what he was looking for he smiled, the water supply had an industrial water softener attached to it, making his job very easy. Unscrewing the cap on the top he pulled out the vial of crushed Retcon pills and tipped a liberal amount into the water system, then after screwing it back on tightly he headed back to meet Jack by the lift.
“Now up to the main offices,” Jack told him as he arrived at their meeting point. “Toshiko said that there are no coffee and tea making facilities on the research floor and that everyone, management and staff alike down to the cleaners all have to go to the same point to get refreshments.”
“That'll make things a darn sight easier,” Ianto answered, getting into the lift when it arrived at their floor and the doors opened. “I just hope these disguises aren't too obvious.”
“According to Owen there are more than a couple of the research staff that look like throw backs from the sixties and said that we shouldn't stand out too much,” Jack replied with a grin. “do you really think I look good in glasses?”
“Yep, I may need you to hang onto them later,” Ianto smiled and then gave his lover a wink as the doors opened on their selected floor.
“And the wig?” Jack asked, cocking an eyebrow suggestively.
“No, definitely not the wig,” Ianto told him adamantly. “and before you even ask, no, I'm not wearing the wig either!”
“Spoilsport,” Jack chucked and followed the younger man out of the lift. “Owen said we need to take a right and then a left and the staff room is at the far end of the corridor.”
“Lets get going then, the less time we spend in this place the better,” Ianto urged, striding off in the direction Jack had told him, with the Captain hot on his heels.
“Nice,” Ianto said, looking around the almost deserted area and comparing it to the small kitchenette of the hub. “maybe we need to rethink our own staff room?”
“What's wrong with it?” Jack asked, one eye on the two guys in suits at the far end sat on one of the comfy looking sofa's and deep in conversation.
“It's basically a corner of the room with a kettle, coffee machine and a fridge!” Ianto exclaimed, well, as best as he could in semi-hushed terms. “some sofa's would be nice and I don't mean moving that ratty old thing into their either!”
“It would make for a more comfy experience when I seduce you there,” Jack replied thoughtfully.
Ianto rolled his eyes at him. “Enough of that, we have a job to do. You take the tea machine and I'll get the coffee one, then we can get out of here before those blokes wonder what the hell we are doing or ask us something we have no idea about!”
“Fine,” Jack mumbled good heartedly and did as the younger man suggested.
“Hey, are you making fresh coffee?” One of the suits called over to Ianto.
“Yep,” Ianto called back easily. “do you want a cup?”
“Thanks,” the man replied and then turned back to his colleague and their conversation.
“Smooth,” the Captain whispered impressed.
“That's me,” Ianto grinned, finished adding the retcon to the coffee makers system and then poured three cups of coffee.
“Why three?” Jack asked, indicating the mugs.
“One for each of them and one for myself,” Ianto replied. “it'll look odd now if I don't partake, but in reality that pot plant next to me won't know what's hit it. And you should make a cup of tea for that same reason.”
“You're right, you're always right,” Jack sighed and followed Ianto's example while Ianto delivered the coffee's to the two men on the sofa, then swiftly returned.
“That was easy, I was expecting them to ask who I was and why they'd never seen me before,” Ianto said with some relief.
“I suspect the suits and the research guys don't have a lot to do with each other,” Jack answered. “they wouldn't know you from Adam.”
“True,” Ianto agreed and after giving the guys on the sofa a glance he poured the contents of his mug into the plant pot, rinsing it out at the small sink while Jack did the same.
“Okay, time to locate the paper trail,” Jack said, rinsing his own mug and placing beside the others on the counter top. “same floor, we need to go back to the end of this corridor and then turn left, Owen said that the filing cabinets are all in one room at the back of the main offices.”
“We can even use their shredders to destroy any evidence of their experiments that we find,” Ianto answered, walking quickly down the corridor beside Jack and straight into the offices.
“Can I help you gentleman?” A woman situated by the door asked them.
“We need all the information on the missing alien, they seem to think it will help track it down again,” Jack told her with authority. “I suspect that we'll never see it again but they are sure of it.”
“I still can't believe there were keeping a real, live alien here,” the woman replied excitedly. “ or that we never got to see it, did you see it? Was it ugly and scary?” Was it evil, like the movies?”
“It looked kinda like us,” Ianto told her. “just very tall and extremely skinny, and no, it wasn't evil.”
“I really wish I could have met it,” she sighed. “maybe if they find it I will.”
“You never know,” Jack said, giving her one of his wide smiles. “can we go and collect what we need?”
“Help yourself,” she answered cheerfully and turned back to her work.
They walked through the rows of desks and into the room at the back, it was quite large and along with housing row upon row of filing cabinets along two of the walls it was also home to a desk – which Ianto assumed for was research – a photocopier and a computer.
“Oh, yeah! Loving that office-y feel!” Jack grinned. “I always get excited
in these places. To me, they're exotic. Office romances ... photocopying your butt ...
well, maybe not your butt, although as we're here, why don’t we ...”
“Jack, if we acted out every odd fetish you told me we'd never get any work done,” Ianto chuckled shaking his head in disbelief.
“I was thinking ...” Jack added. “Once we've finished this we could go out for dinner, maybe a movie, relax a bit?”
“At least it won't be in an office!” Ianto grinned. “Sure, it's a date.”
“Now that's given me the incentive to get this job done quickly,” Jack answered, activating him comm and talking to Toshiko back at the hub.
“Toshiko?” Jack asked carefully, not wanting to startle the woman.
“I'm here Jack,” she replied confidently.
“How are you doing with the computers?” Jack asked her.
“I've deleted all the relevant files from all the workstations involved in the diet pill trial and the mainframe,” Toshiko answered. “and I've managed I've added a little programme to hide the gap so to speak so that the researchers involved in it will now think they've been working on the Institutes other main programme which is looking into a new way to help heart attack patients.”
“So much more worthwhile,” Jack told her. “we've administrated the Retcon to the refreshment supplies and are just about to destroy any physical evidence we can find, anything we should be aware of?”
“Most of the paperwork will be in the filing cabinets as they are just for back-up but you might want to check out the secretary’s desk, any items that still need filing are given to left there for her to file in the morning when she comes in.”
“Thanks Tosh,” Jack replied. “we'll see you back at the hub in a little while.”
“Be careful Jack, if they see past your disguises they might shoot first and ask questions later this time,” Toshiko warned the Captain.
“Will do,” Jack reassured her and then cut the link.
“I've found the files,” Ianto told him, pulling out several thick files from one of the filing cabinet drawers and emptying it completely. “it seems to be all of them.”
“Great, if you can start shredding them I'll check out the secretary's desk, Toshiko said to double check there also,” Jack answered. “I won't be long.”
“Sure,” Ianto nodded and pulled out a few sheets and began to feed them into the shredder as Jack left the room.
Jack returned less than ten minutes later with another, much slimmer file and a second shredder that he'd found, he added the file to the pile and then plugged in the shredder.
“I double checked all the desks but Toshiko was right, they were all where she said they would be,” Jack told him, picking up a file and beginning to feed the sheets into it and then asked cheekily. “are you sure you don't fancy photocopying anything before we leave?”
“Positive,” Ianto chuckled.
“I was thinking though, maybe we could postpone the dinner and movie until another night,” Jack replied. “I'd rather we just went straight home.”
“Yep, if you promise to keep the glasses and lose the wig?” Ianto grinned, feeding the last few sheets into his shredder.
“Done,” Jack agreed. “now lets get out of here before those remaining staff out there come to see what we're really up to in here.”
“What did you tell them?” Ianto asked curiously.
“That we need to photocopy all the files for an audit,” Jack chuckled.
“And they believed you?” Ianto asked.
“Yeah, I must have been convincing,” Jack laughed.
“Amazing!” Ianto dead-panned, getting him a light tap in the arse.
“Cheeky bugger,” Jack retorted and with that they emptied the shredded papers into the large recycling bin in one corner and then left the room, hurrying past all the desks and the few remaining employee's with a sigh of relief when they were safely out into the corridor.
“Time to get out of this place,” Jack declared, striding down the corridor towards the lift and pressing the button.
“There should be very few, if any that evade the Retcon,” Ianto said. “and any that do, we can deal with later and leak a rumour about drugs.”
“Good call,” Jack agreed, the lift finally arriving and the doors opening for them to step inside.
“Hey, hold the lift!” A voice called out to them, followed by a young woman rushing inside with them and panting her thanks softly.
“You're welcome,” Jack replied, giving her his patented grin.
“I haven't seen you around here before,” she said, frowning as she studied them closely.
“They don't like to let us up here unless that can help it,” Ianto joked.
“Sure ...” she murmured.
“It's true,” Jack told her. “we rarely get to see daylight more than once a week.”
“Now I know you're pulling my leg!” She laughed, her face relaxing.
“To be honest, we haven't been here long,” Ianto said, lying easily. “but I hope we get to run into you again soon.”
“Do you, really?” Jack asked, raising an eyebrow at his lover.
“Now, now Jack.” Ianto smirked. “surely you're not jealous that I got in first for once?”
“You got in first?” The woman said indignantly. “What am I, some kind of prize?”
With that the lift arrived at the ground floor and after giving them both a look of disgust she stalked out and across the lobby.
“That worked then, distracted her from trying to recognise us and now she'll just forget us as the guys that acted as idiots in the lift,” Ianto smiled, leading the way out through the lift doors.
“You're brilliant Ianto, did you know that?” Jack asked as they walked through the lobby and outside to where the SUV was exactly where they had left it.
“Yep,” Ianto grinned. “and modest too.”
Jack pulled the keys from his pocket and unlocked the SUV.
“Hub, then home,” Jack declared, climbing into the driving seat and after pulling off the wig he tossed it on the back seat.
“Oh no, those can stay,” Ianto said, winking at him when he went to remove the glasses, removing his own wig and glasses and discarding them.
“We'll commend Owen and Toshiko on a job well done, tell them we'll see them in the morning and then send them home,” Jack replied, putting the car into gear and pulling away.
“I'm not the only one who has brilliant ideas,” Ianto replied, running his hand down the Captains thigh. “that's the best one I've heard in days.”
Jack just grinned widely at him and pressed his foot down harder on the cars accelerator pedal.