The Diary That (Mostly) Never Was 7/?

[missthingsplace]

Title: The Diary That Mostly Never Was
Author: missthingsplace
Parings/characters: Jack/Ianto.
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or any of the characters ... unfortunately.
Summary: Ianto's diary entries in the year that never was
Spoilers: End of days
Warnings: I foresee lots of angst
Rating: pg for now, maybe pg13 for some chapters

Previous chapters here: Fic Master List: http://missthingsplace.livejournal.com/14374.html#cutid1

Monday 22nd October 2007

I don't think I've left the hub other than to go home and fetch clean clothes since Jack left, I've spent every night in Jack's bed. I left it as long as possible before changing the bedding, I didn't want to lose the scent of Jack from the sheets as I lie between them but it had to be done eventually and I found a t shirt of his under the bed that hadn't been washed, I sleep with it in my arms like some kind of comfort blanket. Owen has stopped hassling me about my sleep patterns, I am sleeping better than I was but still not as much as I should, but I am able to pass myself off as okay, sleep wise anyway in front of the others

I have some good nights and some bad, like last night. I was lying in Jack's bed staring at the ceiling wishing sleep would claim me when I just felt an overwhelming sense of loss, I can't explain it, it was like I suddenly felt like he was dead. It didn't last long, the feeling, maybe five minutes or so and then it went again but the dispair hit me where it hurts the most, in my heart and I spent the night sobbing for Jack. I know it's irrational but it's like he died for real, wherever he is and I felt it.

Gwen isn't taking no for an answer anymore, she says the next time they go out on a mission whether it's to collect some alien artifact that's slipped through the rift or Weevil hunting I am going with them. Apparently I am wallowing in self pity am in need of some fresh air, who is she to tell me what I need? And what makes her think she's in charge now Jack's not here, she's been here much less time than the rest of us. Toshiko stayed with me for a while this evening, I feel relaxed around her and able to vent some of my feelings. I've not asked her outright to keep them to herself, but I don't think she'll spill anything she thinks they, the others, don't need to know about.

TBC